What have i been doing? For my mom 6 years after her passing

Well mom, I have done allot since you passed.   I have grieved, ALLOT.  I have loved, I have hated, I have been to school, been to jail, been to portland and seattle too.  I had a baby, right after you left, You knew that though.  I know you sent him to me…Thank you.  I know you did this, because the pain after you left was so much…..I needed him and to focus on life, and not death.  I have had many ups and just as many downs.  I have had 2 relationships, they were serious.  1 still is.  With both I have wanted you to meet them so bad.  I have made friends, lost friends, I have grown and matured allot too.  I have accepted that nothing lasts forever.  Not in physical form.  Memories never go. 

I have so many times just wished you were there, just to hear your voice.  I still have your phone number programmed in my phone.  And I still am waiting to see your number pop up on caller id. 

I have learned how precious life is, and how fast things change.  Even the strongest of people, get cut short.  And that is what happened to you. 

I have learned allot about people, and why they do things too.  I have so much to be greatful for and i am.  I have been blessed with 2 great kids, and they are turely great.  Watching them grow and turn into people is absolutly amazing.  I know you are watching from above.  God what I would give to have you here with me and them.  I miss you…. I have also learned that you were even more amazing than I could have ever imagined. 

I dont know what my life will ultimatly end up like,  but I do know that I will make it.  I will be ok.  I will think of you every day, like i always do.   That will never change.  I will cherish the memories we have, even while you were dieing, how close we were.  I will cherish you forever. 

I LOVE YOU